The Zombie Survival Guide: How to Live Like a King After the Outbreak

How do YOU plan on surviving the coming Zombie Apocalypse! If you are a wuss, don't buy this book. Just the act of opening it will cause your puny mind to loose all control of your bowel movements. You will also become so impotent, not even Viagra will be able to help. If you're weak in the mind and want to read this book I have two suggestions. One, kill yourself. When you get to the pearly gates tell St. Peter to suck it. On your way to hell, be happy knowing that after about fifteen minutes down there, you will be able to read this book. Plus you will really start liking Death Metal for some reason. Two, go to prison. Get raped everyday by the Nation until your heart swells with agony and hatred. Construct a shiv made out of your fingernails and potato salad. And the next time they come for you stab them all in the nuts. You will spend the rest of your life in prison but at least you can read the book. If, however, you ARE strong enough to handle this book - if you're the kind of guy whose genitals are so tough that you have to put sand in your condoms to feel any sensation, the kind of man that won't ask a girl out unless her boyfriend is within a two foot radius, the kind of man that goes bear hunting with nunchucks - then YOU, you are ready! This book will not only teach you how to survive the zombie outbreak, but how to do it with STYLE. You will have a horde of zombie slaves! You will live in a palace! You will live like a king! YOU WILL BE WORSHIPED LIKE A GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!