The Gate and the Garden: The Apostate Journals of a Gay Mormon Missionary in Japan

What is it really like to be a young gay Mormon missionary, sent out to a foreign country at the age of 19, to convert people to a powerful church you have been raised in which has told you all your life that what you are in your heart is very wrong? This book describes that experience in full with rich personal detail. These are the complete personal journals of a 19 year old boy who went on his Mormon mission to Japan as a sincere believer in the LDS Church, having been taught this was what he must do and hoping God would cure him of his secret homosexuality because of the sacrifice he was making. It documents in detail how his faith in Mormonism completely collapsed half way through the mission experience, how he then happily and fully accepted being gay and somehow managed to survive the full two years because he felt he had to, while struggling to keep his homosexuality and loss of belief in Mormonism concealed. The book offers a huge amount of detail and insight on daily life as a Mormon missionary in Japan a few decades ago. It documents the gradual, step by step loss of religious belief and acceptance of self. This book is a story about crossing the bridge from boyhood to manhood. It is a story about learning to think for yourself. It is a story about a creative awakening, including all the poems and short stories written on the journey. It is a story about being who you are, not who you've been told you should be.