Love & Anger: Good Relationships Are on a Collision Course

In this book Dr. Holman (a pseudonym) is an experienced psychologist who had, over the years, developed his theory he calls “Anger is a Hot Potato”. In brief, the theory proposes that anger arises from the stopping or blocking of positive impulse wishes. The angers that do arise from blocked good wisher become the pre-eminent basis for the development of each one’s unique personality. The anger must be handled by directing it outward, or holding it in (where it becomes a time bomb). Molly is a client whose explorations within her are presented through excerpts from her therapy sessions, her journals and her conversations with her beloved mentor, Kay. One of the significant concepts that emerge in his Hot Potato Theory is that “Good Relationships are on a Collision Course”. People hold anger in a “Reservoir”. When it is safe, they will let it out at someone. So when a mate feels loved enough, safe enough, they will let anger out at the one closest to them. Anger comes in many forms ranging from hot anger to cold anger. The most insidious and detrimental to the individual and the relationship is hidden anger. Most people carry a burden of hidden anger throughout their lives. Molly is no exception. We see how she learns Dr. Holman’s methods to dissolve this burden. Anger turned outward is epidemic. Dr. Holman explains that our culture requires us to have a justified reason for blaming someone. So we use our intellect to create “good” reasons for our blame, criticisms or the judgement of others. This hides the “real” reasons for our anger. The result is we use our skills to play the right-wrong game and the blame game. Dr. Holman guides Molly to awareness that justified anger can become addictive. She learns how to search out the real reason for anger, which is something she wants to do and is not doing it!